It's been forever...

...since I've touched this blog. Today is a special day, though. As of today, I have been cancer free for one year!

(Apologies to Melizza for not writing about our 1 year anniversary nearly 4 months ago. I...uh...was just to busy enjoying all of our wonderful moments together to bother writing about it.)

Employed

Well, I've been employed for a few weeks now. All I got to say is that it beats being unemployed.

Unemployed

I've been unemployed for about 2.5 weeks now. It's not so fun. I think I would be enjoying it a lot more if I hadn't just bought a house. Luckily, I saved enough money to get by for a while, about 6 months or so. I'd much rather get a new job right away. I've been applying to pretty much every appropriate job in the Austin area that I can find. It's getting a lot harder to find new ones to apply to. The job market doesn't seem to be bad out here, and I'm talking to a ton of recruiters, but I haven't managed to land any interviews, yet. Not cool.

I knew I was getting laid off 2 weeks before I became unemployed. I found out on the Ides of March. I think it was uncool of my employer to go all Shakespearean on me.

It's nice staying home and all, but I seem to be spending half of my time looking for other jobs, and not enjoying myself, or taking care of the house as much as I'd like. Here's hoping I get a new job, soon.

Quick Update

For those of you who are wondering if I survived my surgery, afterall, worry not, I am fine. I've still got a bit of healing to do, but my wounds don't really prevent me from doing anything. Also, according to the doctors, who are, as a general rule, pretty smart folks, all of the melanoma has been removed, which leaves me a cancer free individual.

Also, I have moved into my house. So come and visit me, already.

House

Living room
Originally uploaded by qortez.

I bought a house. It rocks. Everyone needs to come visit. Please wait until after I move in, though.

Update

Surgery went smoothly. I'm doing pretty well.

The big day

I'm having surgery in the morning. I have to check in to the hospital in just over 8 hours. I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything before then, not even water. My first procedure is at 10am. My actual surgery, is scheduled to start at noon. The surgery requires a plastic surgeon to come in to seal the wound with a skin graft. He is scheduled to do his thing at 1:30pm. I suspect that I won't be out of surgery until 2:30 at the earliest. Then, I'll probably have to be in observation for a good while. I'm wondering if I'm going to get home before 5.

I'm very nervous about going in for surgery. Which is probably why I'm still up, instead of going to bed. How much sleep would I get, anyway? I will go to bed, after I finish this post. I've never done well around doctors. I've been known to get light headed almost every time I see a doctor. It doesn't even matter why I'm seeing the doctor. Recently, it's been a lot worse. This would be due to my last surgery, and all the stuff I've been told about my next one. I'm just hoping that they dope me up really good tomorrow. In all honesty, I don't want to remember a damn thing.

The skin for the graft is most likely going to come from my leg (left, I think). I think my thigh is the most likely spot. I'm told that this will resemble a scrape on my leg, but will still be quite painful. I live on the 3rd floor of my building, and there are no elevators. I'm a bit worried about being able to climb the stairs. I'm told I should be fine, but that's of little comfort. I'm also worried about being able to drive. I drive a standard, so I need both legs to drive. If I get stuck in traffic, my left leg does a lot of work. I'm told that shouldn't be an issue, either, again, little comfort.

Then there's the not-so-small matter of my arm. I'm told that I need to move my arm as little as possible for the first few days. This will help ensure that the skin graft takes, and heals properly. If the skin graft doesn't take, I'll essentially have a patch of dead skin sewn to my arm. That's not a pretty thought. I don't think not using my left arm will be much of a problem, but I could be wrong.

Lastly, my company's holiday party is on Friday night. I had already RSVP'd to attend. This was before I knew that my surgery was going to be the day before (I think I had been diagnosed with melanoma at that point). I still want to go to this party. My attendance is entirely dependent on how I'm feeling on Friday night. I have someone who can drive me to the party, and I won't have to stay long. I'm really hoping that I can do it.

I just want to be done with this whole mess.

Luck of the Bad Variety

As mentioned previously, I have skin cancer. That's bad luck right there. Before I was diagnosed, however, they had to cut out a mole for a biopsy. The wound from the cut got infected. More bad luck. Shortly after that, I got a bug bite very near that very same wound. I think it was a spider. The bite is close enough for the bandage to rub against it, and be very painful, if I'm not careful. That's some pretty crappy luck right there.

However, the infection is getting better, as is the bug bite. I go into surgery to treat the cancer on December 7th. After that, I'll be cancer free. At that point, I'll consider my luck to be on an upswing.

Giving Thanks

It's been a really rough year, actually. I moved to a new city, and had a very hard time getting myself adjusted. I still question whether or not I'm really adjusted to my new home. Recently, I've been diagnosed with melanoma, which is the most aggressive form of skin cancer. Still, I've much to be thankful for.

I've decided to stay in Austin for a few more years, at least. To make my time here more comfortable, I've decided to buy a house. A nice 4 bedroom, two bath, house with wood floors and a hot tub. I'm really looking forward to moving in to that place. Moreso because my apartment sucks.

Despite having cancer, I am thankful that the cancer was still small, and in it's early stages. It should be cured whenever I go in for my next surgery. I'll lose a big chunk of my arm, but I'll be done with cancer after that. Can't be unhappy about that. Also, my girlfriend of few months has been amazingly supportive and helpful during this period. I'm immensely thankful for her. I don't think I'd been in nearly as good of spirits without her.

I'm starting to make some new friends in Austin. So, I'm really starting to get my life together down here. I'm quite thankful there. I still have awesome friends in Dallas, and I'm quite thankful for them as well. I still go up to visit them frequently (although not quite as often as I used to).

There's more to be thankful of, to be sure, but those are the big ones. Aside from having cancer, life is good. And the cancer is only temporary.

Missed Opportunity

When I came home from some nice blues dancing tonight, the sprinklers near my apartment were on, which is not unusual. However, one of the sprinklers was broken, and was shooting water into the air as high as my building (3 stories). I thought that phenomenon would make a good subject for a photograph. So, I went into my apartment, grabbed my camera, and walked right back outside. When I got to the stairs, the sprinklers were turning off. Saddened by my defeat, I walked back into my apartment.

If I remember, I may see if the sprinkler is still busted tomorrow night. If it is, I may get that picture, yet.

30 cents...

...per gallon. That's the difference in gas prices I saw yesterday within a few miles of my place. I'm sure there are gas stations in town with more expensive gas, too. It's a bit ridiculous.

Dreams

Lately, I've been having lots of crazy dreams. I think this causes me to not sleep as well, or not feel as rested as I otherwise would (afterall, my mind was crazy busy all night). Usually, I'll dream of people trying to kill me and saving the world and other action packed themes. Last night was different. I had a particularly creepy dream, as well as a particularly fun dream (but light on the action).

I don't remember a whole lot about the creepy dream. Only that I was visiting some place, and that everytime I went to sleep, there would be a whole lot of crabs and bugs and other critters that would crawl on by. Not just on the floor, but on everything, including me. It was very hard to sleep in the dream with thousands of things crawling on top of the blankets. Very creepy. For some reason, I don't think that was the first time I had a dream like that.

The other dream, was much more enjoyable. There was some dancing, but the focus was a group of my friends and I playing catch in a park. It wasn't a regular game of catch, however, as everyone could use The Force (yes, I'm a nerd) to manipulate the ball. There were a few rules, like whoever was throwing the ball couldn't use The Force, and you couldn't use The Force until the ball was in the air. It did make the ball do some crazy weird things, though. It was quite a bit of fun.

New York, revisited

I visited New York city again. This time for the 4th of July.

The trip began with me being stuck in the very back of the plane, with no window, an engine right next to my head, and 4 very loud and annoying kids in two rows in front of me. Add the fact that I didn't have time to eat dinner at my next stop and it's obvious that it wasn't a pleasant time at all.

The unpleasant times ceased upon getting to New York, where there were friends, both old and new. There was an expedition to Connecticut, to see MacBeth, in a park. A nice relaxing time. There was an outing to the American Museum of Natural History. Which is a fantastic museum and I highly recommend it to everyone. A little later that night, my foot started to hurt, but I sucked it up and didn't let it stop me from enjoying myself. There was also an outing to Coney Island and the New York City Aquarium. Which was also enjoyable. The last major event was a firworks watching/blues dancing party. Many good times were had, and the fireworks were pretty cool. There was lots of little enjoyable aspects of the trip as well, but I don't feel like writing about them.

I got to the airport early for my return trip. I saw that my flight was an hour late (which meant a 4 hour wait). So, I decided to try to get standby on a flight that was supposed to leave in an hour (sounded really good to me, and I could have gotten in Austin by 9). I didn't know it at the time, but that flight was also an hour late, but 2 hours is still better than 4. At the time I got to the gate, I was #5 on the standby list. I grabbed some food and then looked at the list again, I had gotten pushed back to #27. I'm guessing that some flights had been cancelled due to the rain that morning, and that's why people got in front of me, so I wasn't too upset about it. I just admitted defeat, and checked in to my original flight.

It got to be about the time for my flight to leave, and they hadn't started boarding yet. Having been in the airport for 4 hours, I was getting a bit impatient. Then they announced that our plane was out of service, and the flight was cancelled. Then they made everybody stand in line to get a new flight. This is when having a hurt foot really started to suck (all the other walking around I did made it hurt a lot, and I was limping pretty heavily). I had to wait in line for 45 minutes to get my new flight scheduled and thought I was going to collapse from the pain. They couldn't get me on a flight that night, so they put me up in a hotel for the night. Which wasn't too bad. Unfortunately, my bag had made it on a plane. As luck would have it, all of my clean clothes were on that bag. So that really sucked.

The remainder of the trip went as follows: check in to hotel, eat, relax a bit, go to bed, wake up super damn early, shower, go to airport, catch flights home, wander around the massive amount of bags that arrived the night before, not seeing mine, talk to airline employees and learn that it may have been on my flight, wait for my bag to be unloaded from the plane, get bag, notice it has significantly more wear and tear than the last time I saw it, get food, go home, change to clean clothes, go to work.

Somehow my bag had gone to Phoenix. I don't know what's up with that. The damage to it sucks, but I'm just happy that it wasn't lost.

So, in summary, very good trip. I would only change the hurt foot, and the flight situation. Pictures should be up sometime this weekend.

This may be the most personal post I've ever made

Back in college, there was a young lady who would frequently ask me how I'm doing. I would usually reply with, "I'm alright." To which she would respond, "Just alright?" I never quite knew how to respond to that. I wasn't unhappy in college, but I wasn't happy either. Being alright was the best I could do. I didn't quite understand how that wasn't good enough for her.

Fast forward several years, and I was still just alright. I would have burst of happiness, but such bursts were always short lived. Then something happened. I was attending a lindy exchange in New Orleans and was really enjoying myself. That's fairly common for exchanges, and I usually crash pretty hard when they are over. But this one was different. I didn't crash when it was over. A month later, I was still just as happy as I was during that event. I'm not sure what the trigger was, but if I were still in contact with that woman from college, I would have told her that I was doing good, or maybe even great. I finally understood why alright wasn't good enough.

This period of happiness lasted most of the year. It was followed by a brief period of more happiness than I had thought possible, and then followed by a very big crash and my move to Austin, which totally changed my life. It's been a rough 4 months since I've moved, but I think I'm at the point where I'm doing alright, most of the time. Now that I know the difference between alright and good, I'm trying to make things better for me, rather than just let them stay alright. Here's hoping it doesn't take too long.

What a difference a storm makes

Not So Trickling Water
Originally uploaded by qortez.

When I was hoping for a good storm last night, I had no idea that we would have one the next morning. It prompted me to visit the creek again today, just to see what difference it made.

As I was walking across the bridge, I could hear the massive amount of water flowing underneath me. When I got closer, the waterfall was all I could hear.

I like this place.

I think I may have found a happy spot

Trickling Water
Originally uploaded by qortez.

It's really close to home, too. I found it on accident as I was walking back home from my second trip to the tracks. Although this place is under a bridge, I found it to be quite relaxing.

I can't wait to visit this place after (or maybe even during) a good rain storm. The trickling water should be a bit more dramatic, then.

I did end up going to the tracks...

Looking Down the Line
Originally uploaded by qortez.

...but I didn't win any money. Maybe I went to the wrong kind of tracks for that. I'm pretty sure these tracks aren't used at the moment, but I still found myself being somewhat paranoid about the potential of oncoming trains. I kept looking over to the street at the guard signals, just to reassure myself that I was safe. Still, I think I want to go back and walk down the line some more.

My trip to Dallas was somewhat disappointing. This makes the second trip in a row that didn't live up to what I had hoped. I still had fun, though, and it won't stop me from going back to Dallas next weekend. If this next trip is also a bust, then I might have to rethink the frequency of my visits.

Another First

I saw my first snake in Austin today. It was in between the buildings at work.

I'm sure everyone cares about that.

In other news, I have this unbelievable urge to walk to the rail road tracks near my apartment tonight. If I do, I'll probably have some pictures up next week (after I get back from Dallas).

The first one!

I saw my first possum of Austin tonight.

Yeah, so my updating sucks lately.

Work/Life Balance

Every employer probably talks about how it's very important to have a work/life balance. I think I had a decent work/life balance when I lived in Dallas. I'm yet to come up with an appropriate balance in Austin. Part of the problem is the 40 hour work week. Part of the problem is actually having to be at work by a certain time. Part of the problem is that my life generally takes place after 10pm, and a few things go after midnight. Another part of the problem is that I don't have an established friend base here, so it takes extra time to get the same amount of enjoyment.

Lately, I've been giving work the priority (since money is very nice), and leaving dances and other events earlier than I would like, so I can almost get enough sleep for the next day. I think this has caused me to have an excess of stress in general (since I'm not able to enjoy myself as much). I'm also thinking that this practice might be causing me to miss some social opportunities with high potential, if you know what I mean. The real question is, how do I give myself more fun time, and still be mildy functional at work (preferably moreso)?